Finding the time...

Sometimes I wish I had a nanny! Unlike Deirdre, I am home often with my daughter, however the guilt still occurs for me. The guilt of always being behind somewhere- whether its calling my mom, being on time to meet with a friend, writing this blog!, or even playing with Mayana. Yes, even though we spend most days together, sometimes I am so busy with shopping for groceries, writing a belated email, or getting to the ferry on time, that Mayana has to patiently (and sometimes not-so-patiently!) just stick with me in the hullabaloo.

I have just moved to a new home. My partner and I have decided to live separately, although we are still together working on things. I don't think this is actually that strange...I know many couples find it hard in the first year of having a new baby. And in our case, we had only been together 3 months before getting pregnant, so we're still getting to know each other, and how we work! So space seems to be a positive thing for us to stay harmonious, and we both agree this is best for Mayana- to have parents who like each other!

So I have moved to a large home since I have agreed to be housemother to a 15 year old international student from Germany and my 17 year old cousin who wants to try school on Saltspring island. There is lots of strange music in the house, and I am learning how to make food for big eaters, but Mayana seems to love the young energy in the house, and I am excited at positive changes in everyone's lives.

Off I go as apparently I am behind to head into town, and Mayana stirs downstairs- ack!

Next installment, TRAVELLING IN EUROPE...that is my excuse for not writing this summer...we were too busy with East Indian weddings, Portuguese camping trips, and swimming in the Scottish seas...stories coming very soon!! When I get the time =)

A Worthy Read

I belong to a google group of English speaking parents living in Barcelona and during a fiesty exchange of e-mails regarding the daycare system here, someone sent this out:

http://www.unicef.ca/portal/Secure/Community/502/WCM/HELP/take_action/Advocacy/rc8.pdf

It's a very interesting read and is definitely thought-provoking.

A mother's constant companion

Yesterday I arrived home at 7:30 in the evening. Once upon a time, this would have been early. For the year before I had Adam, I worked long hours, and was regularly home in time to go straight to bed. Then, it didn’t really matter. My husband was often away or also working his own long hours, and we always had the weekends to be together. Now, though, it is a different story. Now I have a baby at home and even with the best nanny in the world, he needs me and I need him. Until yesterday, I was doing pretty well, leaving on the dot. And, in my defense, yesterday was an exception: my new boss was over from Switzerland, it was the month closing and my husband was already home. But that didn’t stop me from feeling bad... from feeling guilty. After all, I have chosen to work full-time, in a position that would, at times, require me to work some overtime. Most of the time, I can justify my choices and feel confident that I am still a good mother (perhaps even a better mother), even if I’m not home during the day.
Regardless, though, feelings of guilt still seep through. I have heard that guilt is a mother’s constant companion. For a working mother, we seem to be Siamese twins. There’s no doubt we have come a long way since our mother’s generation (where my mother was one of the few who worked). Most of my female friends work, and those that don’t, intend to return to the workforce sooner, rather than later. I was offered a promotion shortly after returning from maternity leave – meaning no one in my company seemed to be worried about my shifting priorities, or the high probability I would be taking another mat leave during the next few years. Still, though, many people (of all generations) look at me sympathetically when I say I am working full-time. There is less sympathy and more disbelief when I tell them it was my choice, as opposed to something forced on me by a less-than-understanding employer, or our own economic situation. But, that's not the hardest part. I can deal with external judgment. What is hardest is that little nagging voice inside my own head questioning whether or not I am being the best mother to my son by working full-time.